Stuff I've been doing the past month

July's almost over and I feel as if the 4-month summer isn't enough. I think it'll never be enough. But then again, I take pleasure in studying, so might as well enjoy the coming semester. Back in April, I made a bucketlist for the things I'd finally have time to do and I'm sure I've crossed out a few things:

Work out and lose some weight (I love food and I love my fat)

Learn how to screenprint  (I haven't truly mastered the technique)

Draw and paint more

Go on a vacation (Puerto Galera backpacking)

Read more books  (Holla, A Song of Ice and Fire)

Get more video games (Final Fantasy X, X-2, XIII and  XIII-2, as well as WatchDogs and Beyond)

Paint on canvas bags (Urgh, biggest frustration!)

Shop in Divisoria 

But more than that, a lot of other things have happened, and I've been truly happier these past few weeks. July's opened a lot of new possibilities for me, including meeting new people and being part of a community. I've been able to spend more time with my high school friends and simmer down a little from the hulabaloo of the usual chaos that regularly ensues in my life. Anyway, this will be a longer-than-usual post summarizing this past month (or at least, the latter half of the summer):

I've been painting a whole lot more, but I feel like it's not enough. 

I've also taken to painting minis. 

We're pretty close to finishing this wall at The Warrior Poet. Currently, it's a little more than this. 

So apparently, there's something better than Dungeons and Dragons, and it's Legend of the Five Rings (L5R).

This was the only picture I was able to take in Puerto Galera. 

Puerto Galera was fun, even if we were only there for a couple of days. What happened was, Nico and I spent Friday night at Cubao Ex until 2am (Playing L5R). Then, took a bus to Batangas Port by 3am, got to the port by 6. Waited an hour to ride our ferry, and so we got to Puerto Galera at about 9AM. After dropping off our things  at the hotel, we decided to get food for lunch, and funny thing was, when we were out buying food, the wind picked up and it rained hard, blowing everything about. It was scary, but over in 30 minutes. Since it was a little gloomy, we decided to hang out around the resort for the rest of the day. Come Sunday, the weather was really amazing. A few clouds, but sunny and warm nonetheless. Walked around the beach for a couple of hours and it was time to go after that. we arrived back in Manila by 6, and visited Cubao Ex again before going home. It was a good trip, for only 2000 pesos. I'd do it again in a year, definitely.

Also, over the summer I've gotten into the Meeple Power community hosted in the Appraisery. It feels like family in there, you know? One day you discover the shop, play a few games with people you barely know-- then, bam-- suddenly you feel like you've known these people for years and it feels great. They're not just people you play with-- no. They're friends and it's good to have people who have the same humour and culture as you do-- something you can never get in college/university (relative to me, perhaps). It's not only people from The Appraisery, but the network of those who are regular in Cubao Ex as well. In the past few months I've been able to meet so much people and it's all because of being in the "boho" community that is Cubao Ex. I know all I've posted is the shirt but I shall post a photo of the Meeps another day.

By the length of this post it seems that I've done relatively a lot, but again, it will never be enough. Even though school's starting within a couple of weeks, I'll always try to do and explore new things and meet news people like summer never ended. 

Stay awesome, 

Eliza

TABOO Magazine

During summer classes, we had to make a mock magazine containing all our literary works from Humanities I. It was pretty fun if I say so myself. I hope I engage more in stuff like these. I feel like I was made for it. I know it's not much, and I haven't had any prior training with fine arts or advertising, or media and all that jazz, but I just want to salvage all I've self-learned ad actuate it from theory.

I have my existential crises, and part of them's-- I feel like I made a mess of the career path I was made to be in. Don't get me wrong, I can't see myself as anything else besides being in medicine, but part of me just wishes that I could live another life after this one and be the artist I could never be in that one. I have too many existential crises. Like in the wee hours of the morning I lie awake and think, "Holy crap, I'm going to die someday." or "Holy crap, I'm at a third of the average life expectancy." But enough about that-- I was talking about this magazine right 'ere.

But actually, no-- I have nothing else to say about it.

Getting back into art

So I sold two sets of watercolors, a set of acrylic and a set of oil paint for a set of gouache. Still testing it out. I really want to improve this year and it's hard to do that when you're not a kid anymore. Because when you're a kid you don't give a crap about what other people think of your art and you just do it for yourself. But when you're an adult you begin to have second thoughts about your technique and skill that you get ashamed of your abilities because you can compare yourself to other people and that limits my creativity. I should stop thinking like that. 

A year and 5 months later

 ...And I am still so whipped. It's actually been two-and-a-half years since I've been in love with this man (and one year of that was, I thought, one-sided). From the Crocs-wearing boy who was struggling with his thesis, you're now an amazing young professional with a more amazing way of handling yourself. You've certainly gone a long way and it's all up, up, and away. Even though we fight when we don't get what we want, I always want to be with you and knowing you'll be there for me every year of my life is enough. I'm too much in love with you that it hurts sometimes (rak na itu), but it's okay. I can't contain the feels. You are amazingly handsome in every way-- in the way you look, in the way you talk, in the way you always protect me, in the way that you're always a gentleman and in the way you work your hardest. 

I still get so kilig when we're just sitting somewhere (on a bench, in a jeep, at home, in church) and we just hold hands. And it started there. Gosh. I'm rambling. 

Look, all I know is, I love you, and I decided to love you no matter what. It'll never change. We are end game. ;-)

Drawings

Sometimes I ask myself how high (metaphor) I was when I drew these. And sometimes I wish I could get back to that so I can be more spontaneous with my art.

International Tabletop Day

Last Saturday was International Tabletop Day held at Harrison Plaza Village Square, organized by my friend, Noel (he's the adorable fluffy dude in black) and powered by Meeple Power Games. It was a really good day. We were there from 10AM to 9PM just playing tabletop games, eating, and getting to know people. Just good fun with good people and I never get tired of it. 

There were some 15 games (or more) that were available. Gloom's one of my favourites.

With one of Noel's girls, Nikki (my absolute mini-me). She tells me I'm her favourite. She's also my favourite. It's kind of funny because Nico says Nikki is like having my personality (high distractability and randomness) in a little girl body. I love her to bits!

Yuki, Peter, and Noel. In increasing age order. Ha ha, kidding. Thank you for the cream cheese and chicken-stuffed crust. 

Nikki, Nico, Manesh (evil), Yuki, guy I forgot, Pao and I played Citadels and I can't with all the alliances and conspirators. This game lasted for an hour and I was so pooped after this that I sat the next games out. 

 bleh, bleh!

Seriously, though. I think the tabletop community should grow. It's an absolutely fun way to meet new people and spend time with people. It's an advocacy of mine now, I guess! So come and join us!

A month ago or so, I was clinically diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. It's not like it's a surprise or anything-- I knew I needed help. It was either that or generalized anxiety disorder. But it was more than anxiety, I suppose. It was some unexplained sadness I always felt. Even though there wasn't anything to be sad about (I was anxious about my school performance, but the nagging burden never left after all my academic responsibilities ended), I was depressed and kept on asking myself if there was something I kept on forgetting. I dropped a major subject (which "entitles" me to getting delayed for a year) in which my performance was suffering. And about that, I think I could have done it, mentally. Emotionally, no. During duty days I felt like I was in a pit being buried alive. I had such a perceived lack of support systems, and the support system I was forced to be in decided to go on a mental war with me on account of me not agreeing with their methods of "having fun". And now, they're using my diagnosis against me when I'm... not even around anymore. And these are people who took Community Mental Health with me. But it's fine. No use thinking about that anymore.

And I did go to a doctor. Amazing how UP-PGH offers free consultations to students like me. I didn't pay a single cent. My doctor's nice. Sometimes I wonder if he's genuinely empathetic or if that's just how he does his job but either way, it feels good to have at least one person think of psychosocial conditions such as these objectively. And the meds help. Although they screw up my period, I think it's better than being depressed about nothing. I'm not really sure if I'm taking the meds for life because I can't imagine life on it forever.

But the thing about having a diagnosis like that is people take it against you. I'm usually open about my feelings but about this, I think twice about revealing my condition out publicly. It frustrates me a lot that people think differently about me when they find that I'm diagnosed as bipolar. It's not like I randomly explode or do anything rash. I'm just sad most of the time. I wish I could just talk about my bipolar tendencies without getting a negative reaction.

But you know what, I'm happy right now. I don't know if it's the lack of school work, or that I know I can do all the things I've wanted to do in the next year since I have a lax schedule. I can go out more. I can learn more things, read more books, paint more. I have a group of friends in church who were the friends I wish I could have again (I admit, I miss having geek friends who enjoyed art, games, cards, and comics-- you barely find those in UP Manila). I get to enjoy more with my boyfriend. I'm helping a friend set up his indie art gallery at Cubao Expo. I'm in a production design team in church and I spend my Sundays playing tabletop games with my favourite kids and people. I'm just irredeemably happy. I'm still working on equipping myself for when the anxiety strokes again. I hope I can get it right this time. 

Cubao Ex

 A few days ago, Nico and I decided to Double D (double date) with Kat and Chris over at Cubao Ex. While waiting for them, we went around and just took pictures.

My Breathing Space's amazing vintage pieces.

Hoot hoot.

 This big lug can never not make a funny face when I'm taking his picture.

 Another vintage store, UVLA. 

After meeting up with Kat and Chris, we headed to The Appraisery, my favourite place in Cubao Ex. Since there was a Game of Thrones tourney, the four of us played Cards Against Humanity, Wasabi! and Pandemic.

 Even I got violated by my own answers.

 THIS GAME MADE MY BRAIN HURT

 The pretty kitty.

 ...and the doge.

Ugh, Pandemic was the most stressful game. On our first try we were so overwhelmed by the infection rates that we just had to start again. On our second game which lasted an hour and a half, we managed to beat the game. 

Old Things

Museum Adventure

 Today, Nico and I paid a visit to the National Museum. I fell in love with the fine arts again, and I must try out my hand at sculpting, and get back to painting as well. Museums make me a wide-eyed child. Nothing much to say here, but I ended the day dead tired. I hope to see more art soon.